On the Way

my mugSo, I took a leave-of-abscence from my job as photojournalist (or so I thought) and was on my way to Ohio for 6 months. I was both excited and very nervous and as the weather got colder with each hour I drove I knew I was getting closer to my final destination. Receiving a fellowship such as this one is a big deal in the journalism world and I knew all eyes would be on me and the other four journalists once we arrived. But my plans were still not settled, I still had to figure out what the hell I was doing. Could I have picked a more difficult subject, emotional troubles are something most people aren’t willing to admit let alone talk about in the open. There are no visible wounds, no defined physical symptoms, no set course of diagnoses and treatments. Every case would be unique, what traumatized John may not have had the same effect on Jane. There would be no Purple Hearts given here, just the subltle or severe changes in personality that could be normal after returing from battle. It may be temporary, it may go away on it’s own, it may get better in time. My only thought was that there is no constant variable, everything is variable when dealing with emotions and feelings.  With all these thoughts in my head, the exhaustion of driving all day and the darkness of an empty highway, I looked down and noticed that I was going almost 90 mph (we drive fast in Texas) I slowed down and while I was searching for the next speed limit sign, I passed the exit that would have taken me to Eric’s parents house in Arkansas. I started to think about them and the night we met. The years they lived in fear that one of their two sons might be killed or wounded while in Iraq. The joy they must have felt when Eric finally came home weary from war, but seemingly unscathed. And then back on the rollercoaster as Eric fell into depression, was diagnosed with PTSD, stop-lossed and set to redeploy. The conflicts the family faced as he struggled to get help and fell into alchoholism, the decision to not return to post and the year of worry that someday they would get a call that Eric had been arrested for being AWOL.

I finally realized there is something common here, and that’s family. If the soldier hurts, their family hurts alongside them. If 600,000 veterans return with PTSD how many people are truly suffering these signature wounds of war. one million, three million, somewhere in between?  Who knows for sure. Nobody is keeping count. Well this is my story, so I’ll try to keep track, to count the thousands of spouses, children, parents and loved ones closest tothe emotional trauma . The people who know what life was like before the war, who share in their lives and care for them as they try to navigate through the healing process. This site is set-up for you, the family member, the loved one, the caregiver. It is for you to share your feelings and emotions so that we may eventually help others. Please help by posting your personal story.

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